“When you are mad, mad like this, you don't know it. Reality is what you see. When what you see shifts, departing from anyone else's reality, it's still reality to you.”
― Marya Hornbacher
― Marya Hornbacher
Amber Carlson was writing on the green chalk board at the head of the auditorium, the chalk from the tiny silver shelf leaving a white mark on her brown khaki shirt and black uniform pants. The name tag above her left pocket was flawless, her metals spaced precisely to regulation. She was the picture of a model Sailor, but for the chalk clinging to her ample breasts.
She looked down and sighed, releasing her breath through a puff of red cheeks. She mentally shrugged, turned and resumed her writing. The recruits behind her were silent. Likely sleeping, catching up on rest and recovery from P Days. The other instructors loved to make new recruits get up and do a hundred jumping jacks in front of the entire division if they caught one sleeping. But Amber had always had a soft spot in her heart for them. She had after all been a recruit not so long before them.
There was of course, always the older recruit or someone forced to join; given a choice between the Navy or jail. But most of them were young, fresh high school graduates. Amber couldn’t bring herself to be deliberately rude to them. They’d had enough of that already. She ignored the soft breaths of sleep behind her.
“Excuse me Ma’am?” A small voice behind her said, had the auditorium not been so silent, she wouldn’t have even heard the mousy little sound.
Amber turned and gave her a neutral look.
“Don’t call me Ma’am. I’m Fireman Carlson. I’m not an officer, I work hard for my money.” Amber said, but then she winked.
“Fireman Carlson, may I use the restroom?” The recruit asked as she squirmed in her chair.
Amber nodded, “Yes, you may use the Head. I was just about to call for lunch.” She said as she set the chalk down, pursed her lips and took a look at her horrible drawing of the aircraft carrier from her handbook.
Really, Amber had never been on a ship. She’d visited a decommissioned one and of course the simulations in her extensive training had been on a “ship”, but she’d never been stationed on one.
“Thank you.” The girl said, her lopsided boot camp cut made her appear younger than eighteen and Amber felt pulled to her.
“Alright. Every one, single file behind me please.” Amber ordered with authority.
In seconds the recruits were standing and filing out of their chairs, one row at a time. Amber hurried them down the stark white corridor and to the cafeteria, the words MESS HALL printed in large blue letters over the double doors.
Amber watched them carefully, when she saw one of the male recruits toss a piece of bread at a female she stood abruptly and marched over to the young man. It was well known that there was to be zero interaction between the recruits during meals. They were not allowed to speak a word to one another, let alone toss a piece of food at someone.
“Stand recruit.” She ordered, the young man rolled his head to one shoulder in a gesture of annoyance as he shoved his chair away from the table, but stood. “Jumping jacks. Begin.” Amber said before sitting again.
“For how long?” He whined.
“I said begin!” She shouted.
An RDC, or Recruit Division Commander heard the order from across the room and made his way over quickly. His crisp white working whites contrasted attractively with his chocolate skin and hazel eyes. Amber stood and approached him, hovering her hands in of his chest, careful not to make contact. He had been one of Amber’s RDC’s when she was still a recruit.
“EM1 I have the situation under control.” She said softly to the First Class Electricians Mate, but he shook his head.
“Come here, recruit.” He said over her head, his voice a menacing baritone, it softened when he turned his eyes upon Amber. “You are an instructor, let me handle the recruits who can’t be respectful of your post.”
The young man stood at direct attention before EM1. He had even mastered unfocusing his eyes. Something that usually took recruits a bit of time to do, if they managed it at all. Maybe he was a Career. Career’s always had parents who were prior or even still active duty in the Navy.
“Stand there, until chow is over.” He said, and proceeded to stand at Parade Rest right in front of the recruit, staring down at him, waiting for him to start sweating or lose his focus.
Amber felt somewhat bad about getting the kid into trouble, but the female recruit he’d tossed the bread at was smiling softly. It wasn’t so bad. EM1 could be quite harsh when it came to recruits but he had been her favorite RDC, he’d made a major impact on her and others in her division with his encouragement and expectations for excellence. When Amber had been in basic training there was a woman who was taller than EM1, he made her squat down to eye level with him anytime he spoke to her or she needed to speak to him. By the end of eight weeks the girl had the best thighs and ass in the entire division.
The bells sounded signaling the ten minute chow time was over. As Amber got her division out of the cafeteria, there was a gunshot outside. Amber hurried the recruits down the corridor and back to the auditorium where she instructed them to quickly take their seats, before she turned to rush from the room. As she reached for the door, the young female who’d asked to go the head tapped her shoulder.
“I really need to go. I’m on my period.” She said, nearly jumping up and down.
Amber gave a quick nod before hurrying across the hall to the office, not bothering to ask the recruit why she hadn’t gone when they left for chow.
“What’s happening?” She breathed when she saw everyone at the window.
“Oh just a drill,” Said an older woman with fluffy white hair over thin framed glasses, “The weapons department is doing inventory and some training today. Nothing to fear, dear.” The older woman was the wife of a retired Master Chief, she smiled at Amber, waiting for her to leave this civilian work post.
“Oh. I’m sorry.” Amber said, placing her hand under her throat and hurrying from the office as an embarrassed smile spread across her features.
When she approached the double doors to the auditorium, the recruit who’d needed the restroom was just exiting the head, Amber smiled as she opened the door and held it for the young woman to pass through. When she returned to her place at the head of the class, Amber went over the basics of the ship, pointing to the individual spaces as she spoke of them.
“So here.” She pointed with a long wooden pole. “Can anyone guess what this is?” She asked.
No one spoke and she wasn’t surprised. The quiet classes were always the hardest for the recruits to sit through, at least computers kept them somewhat engaged. As she stared out into the auditorium she could see them fading slowly. One male’s head even jerked back and he had to wipe a bit of drool from the corner of his mouth. Amber had to fight a laugh when his bloodshot eyes darted around the room, making sure no one had noticed him.
“This, is the hangerbay. This is your central point. If you ever get lost, just get back to the hangerbay and start over. Anything above the hangerbay, is a level. Anything below the hangerbay, a deck. Got it?”
A few of the recruits voiced their understanding and Amber continued her lesson. She explained tack numbers to them and how to read maps that would be located throughout the ship, how levels would have a zero before them and decks would not. She knew most of them would forget before their first duty station, ships, especially aircraft carriers were like floating cities, really the only way to get to know them was to spend time on them. Nearly twenty minutes later she was speaking about shipboard fire safety as the young woman from before lifted her hand and asked to be excused to the restroom again.
Amber nodded and began to erase the work she’d done on the chalk board. She was thinking of the lunch she hadn’t finished eating as her stomach growled and the door to the auditorium was suddenly thrown open, making her nearly jump out of her skin.
Amber spun as her friend Murphy came down the auditorium quickly, decked out in his dark full Military Police gear. He looked ready for war. Amber frowned and opened her mouth to speak but Murphy seized her upper arm almost violently and turned her away from the class, leaning in close to her ear so they couldn’t hear him. Amber stared wide eyed at the chalk board as she focused on his deep voice and warm, minty breath. The hairs on her arms stood on end as his wild eyes studied her profile.
“There’s an armed man on base. Keep all of the recruits in here and the doors locked.” He said low.
“I have a student in the head.” Amber whispered fervently.
“Leave him.” Murphy said before turning and outright running from the auditorium.
“She’s only-.” Amber called, but Murphy was already gone.
Amber watched the door close before she instructed the students to get down, under the chair tables. Some of them looked frightened, others looked excited. Pacing frantically, she fought with the order to stay in the auditorium and the urge to go after the young recruit. She was too new to understand what was happening and wouldn’t know that she needed to stay inside the head for her own safety.
The blood curdling scream was all Amber needed to make up her mind.
She dashed up the ramp of the auditorium, through the double doors and across the shining floor, bursting through the door labeled head. Had she had any hand to hand combat training, she might have thought to bring a weapon. Suddenly she felt every bit as small town as the one she’d come from.
Because there he was.
A tall dark figure stood with his back to Amber, towering over the young woman on the floor, his stance huge and menacing. There was a thick black double barreled hand gun in his right hand. When he reached down with his left fist and connected two sound POPs to the side of the recruits face Amber sprang to life again. Her contempt for any man who would do that to a woman boiled over and she balled her fists at her sides.
“Hey!” She called. The man turned, taking in her uniform and medals.
Amber saw the recruits bloodied face, her limp arms and legs. She was knocked out.
“Please! Leave her-!” Amber began, intending to plea with him to just leave her alone, but he spun away from Amber as if he hadn’t even noticed her presence.
The gunshot ricocheted off the walls as the bullet was sunk into the young woman’s skull. Amber let out a wail as she rushed to the young woman and tried to collect her in her arms.
“No!” She sobbed at the limp girl in her lap. “No. No, no… oh my God.” Amber’s sobs were replaced with shrieks as the man caught her by her flawless, glossy brown bun and lifted her from the floor.
Dragging all five feet, seven inches of her out into the front of the building was not easy. Amber fought the entire way, but when she saw the line of Military Police that waited outside she relaxed a little. Murphy was with them. He would help her. He was her friend. The sun seared into her eye sockets, blinding her and as she blinked through the searing pain, the first gunshot sounded.
Amber fell forward as the bullet landed in her captor’s chest. The next shot that was fired echoed off the sides of the red brick building as her shoulder connected with the concrete stair below. The final shot sounded as Amber’s head cracked on the pavement, Murphy instantly beside her. A bullet landed between the assailant’s eyes and before Amber lost consciousness, the man looked into her eyes.
He looked into her eyes with his dead eyes.
As I sat in the waiting area for my plane I felt overwhelmed. The last eight months of my life had been a whirlwind. Hell, the last two years had been. I was twenty one. I had graduated with a 3.5 GPA in High School, not perfect, but not bad, and immediately enlisted into the United States Navy.
I left for Great Lakes Illinois the fall after I graduated High School. After boot camp I was sent literally across the street for more training and schooling before it became my permanent duty station, working with new recruits. I’d gone home on Leave as often as I could afford, but being stationed back home, was weird. I wasn’t sure what to anticipate with my parents, would they want me to move back home? Or would I move in with my boyfriend…was he still my boyfriend? He was more than that. We’d been sort of on when I came home and off when I left, both dating other people. I loved him more than anything, but we both agreed that the distance and time were too much strain to place on our relationship. If seeing other people in the meantime would save that, well then it was worth it to us.
My phone began to ring in my pocket and I pulled it out, answering softly.
“Hi mom.” I said.
“Hello sweetie, I just wanted to see how you were doing.” She said on the other end.
“I’m fine mom. I am about to board though so I have to go.”
“Ok, Amber. I just wanted to be sure you felt ok. You know… your anxiety stuff.”
“I’m fine mom.” I said, chewing on my pinky nail.
“Did you go ahead and take that medication the doctor offered?” She asked pleasantly.
“Mom,” I groaned, “I told you, they make me spacey and sick. I’m not taking them!” I rubbed my eyes. “I’m sorry for yelling. I’m so tired mom, I love you but I have to go now, ok?”
“Yes, I’m sorry sweetie. I know you said that, I only thought… I wish I could help.” She said.
“I know mom, thanks.” I said and glanced at my shiny shoes. “If you want to help, let me be normal again, okay? I love you. Call you when I get to Christie’s.”
“Ok Amber, I love you. Bye.”
I closed my phone and stashed it in my bag.
“Excuse me?” I heard quietly from the woman standing at the check-in desk, I looked behind me to see her smiling widely. I grabbed my cover and walked up to her. Why I decided to fly home in my dress whites was beyond me, I hadn’t wanted to change after my going away party…but it turned out to be in my favor.
“Yes?” I asked her, she was very short, maybe in her mid thirties, with a beautiful Hispanic look to her.
“I noticed your whites.” Again she smiled at me, “My little brother is in the Navy, we have plenty of space, I’m going to bump you up to first class.”
“Oh, thank you.” I said, looking at the empty waiting area. “I’ve never seen first class before.” I laughed.
While I placed my things in the over head compartment I noticed a bald man, shaved, not like he’d lost his hair, maybe early forty’s who was sitting in the seat next to mine. He looked friendly so I smiled at him as I sat down. He returned the smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes really, he looked terribly sad.
Taking my seat, I popped two Tylenol PM and then swallowed them with my ginger ale, the baldy snapped his magazine closed. I swallowed hard before placing my soda down and looking over to see him grinning at me. I returned his smile awkwardly, not wanting to be rude, wondering what was so funny.
“I’m always sat next to the sick girl.” He said with a wink before nodding at my ginger ale.
“Oh, I won’t be sick, maybe snoring, but not sick.” I laughed nervously, I truly was afraid of flying, which was my main reason for joining the Navy and not the Air Force.
“Well, that’s nice for me then. Thank you for your service.” He added nodding at my uniform. He smelled of strong, woodsy aftershave.
“Oh, uh… thanks for the thanks.” I said awkwardly.
I’d never been very good at accepting compliments but when people thanked me for my service I was even more awkward with a response. He placed his magazine down and looked at me finally. I noticed his right eye had a thin, barely noticeable scar that stretched from his temple to the side of his mouth. I wondered what had happened to him as I watched his eyes rove over me briefly.
“How long have you been away?” He asked me.
“Almost two years.” I replied, taking a sip of my drink. “Well, aside from visits now and then.”
“Oh? A lot can happen in two years.” He said, returning to his paper.
“Yes, it can Sir.” I sighed.
An odd look flashed in his eyes and my stomach flipped, realization setting in, it was not often that I met a man who was this clandestinely Dominant. Usually I could spot them, but this man was quite good at hiding it, of course now I noticed his clenching right hand, which was furthest from me, and not an article of clothing was out of place. I grinned inside as he adjusted himself in his seat, crossing his legs. I was reminded of my training sessions with Aden, my insides twisted and nearly caught fire at the memory, it’d been so long since I’d seen him, oh God I missed him.
The fasten seat belts sign lit up and before I knew it we are ascending into the air and I was gripping the bald man’s hand. He tried to console me at first, but then he laughed at what I can only assume must have been a look of sheer horror, maybe constipation.
Once we were flying high and I could close my eyes, my mind drifted to my fond memories from before boot camp, it seemed like decades ago. It was really frightening to think about how much things had changed, how much I had changed. But Aden would know me, he would still recognize me. As any natural Dominant will see his little, he would still see my inner most self clear as day, as if I didn’t keep her hidden deep down in the darkness.
I woke up at seven thirty to the wild buzzing of my cell phone. The spring breeze was coming in through my cracked bedroom window, sweet and inviting. My mom and dad were at work, the house was empty, I reached over to turn my alarm off and immediately checked my phone. One new text and it’s from him, Aden Sloane.
Wanna hang out today? 7:02am
I have work at noon. Can I come over before? 7:34am
Yes. Soon as u can. 7:34am
Wanna hang out today? 7:02am
I have work at noon. Can I come over before? 7:34am
Yes. Soon as u can. 7:34am
I flipped my phone closed.
Since the first day I clamped eyes on him, back in the eighth grade, I’d had a huge crush on him. The gorgeous, brooding boy with huge blue eyes and raven black hair, who sat down by himself on the bus, and just stared out the window looking lonely.
Over the years we became very close friends, always talking on our hour long ride to school and the hour long ride home. He would call me nearly every night on the phone and we would talk for hours, while he played his guitar in the background; I would lie on my pillows and close my eyes, pretending he was there with me. Sometimes he would sing short sweet melodies to me, sometimes I would pull out my Casio and play along with him, each on other ends of the phone, at opposite ends of this rural little town, but I felt so close to him.
I told him nearly everything about my life, my hopes, and my dreams. He shared all of his hearts desires and imaginings, his poetic soul capturing my blossoming heart completely. We talked about our adventures we’d have and how we would be famous. We dreamed together of traveling to Ireland and London, playing small pubs, all from our small rooms in this tiny town. Aden Sloane.
We’d turned eighteen our Junior summer together.
By then, I knew more about him than I did my best girlfriend, Christie. He was my best friend. He never turned his back on me in school, never pretended not to know me….always there when I needed someone to talk to about family drama, or boy trouble. In him I found a bond I’d never experienced before, there was a net of safety around me as long as he was there, ready to catch me should I fall overboard.
When he went through his first break up, I was sitting beside him on the school bus, rubbing his shoulder. I remember thinking how much I loved him then, how I could never, ever hurt him, if he’d only give me the chance, I could show him that not all girls were mean, superficial creatures, show him that I would do anything in my power to make him happy, always.
There was one particular ride home, after a long week of finals our senior year, that is forever burned into my mind. Both of us were riding the bus that day though by then we’d been driving to school for the better part of our senior year. My dad had borrowed my truck and Aden’s was in the shop.
“I’m sorry Aden.” I told him, after he told me about breaking up with yet another in his string of failed relationships. “You don’t deserve this.” He didn’t. I could never understand why the girls he dated left him. Maybe it was his intensity, maybe it was their insecurity. I’d never asked.
He said nothing. Just glared at the passing scenery, his jaw flexing rapidly.
Trying to figure out what to do, how to comfort him, I placed my hand on his knee, it jumped a little and when he turned to look at me, I was mesmerized. His red rimmed eyes accentuated the brilliance of his blue gaze. His lips were red and swollen; there were blotches on his cheeks. He looked so….vulnerable. He’d been crying.
I drew my brows together and leaned closer to him.
“Don’t.” He said harshly, never taking his eyes from mine.
I removed my hand tentatively as I felt pure heat burning into my eyes, and something else….something I didn’t recognize. I started to apologize, for what I didn’t know… but he stopped me.
“No, it’s not like that, I just….” He trailed off, shaking his head. “Just please don’t touch me right now.”
When he moved his leg away from me I saw the perfect outline of his cock nuzzling against his thigh, it was the first time I had ever seen a hard on and it stirred things inside me that I had never felt before. Sucked the breath right out of my lungs and left me aching inside. I withdrew my hand immediately, further from him and the warm fuzzy feelings vanished just as quickly as they had come, replaced with sheer embarrassment.
“I’m sorry.” I said quietly, looking down at my hands in my lap.
“Me too.” His voice broke, he sounded humiliated.
“I didn’t know.” I whispered.
I desperately needed to comfort him. Something deep down inside was pulled, compelled, obligated even to provide him with whatever it was he needed so desperately in that moment.
“Get off at my stop?” I asked him.
His hesitant eyes met mine, I held his gaze, bit my lower lip, fully aware of the double meaning.
My phone buzzed as I brushed my teeth, bringing me out of my thoughts.
on ur way? 8:51am
almost out the door 8:52am
I rushed to my car after showering and putting on a little makeup.
on ur way? 8:51am
almost out the door 8:52am
I rushed to my car after showering and putting on a little makeup.
Tossing my barista apron into the passenger seat of my old Toyota I fired it up, waiting a few seconds for the engine to catch up and start purring before I pulled out of my parent’s driveway, the gravel crunching beneath my tires.
Aden’s house wasn’t far from mine, he and a friend had their own place, they moved in right after graduation. I pulled in behind Aden’s car and made my way up the walk way to the front door. I could hear music playing inside, but not loud. I knocked, but Aden didn’t hear me, so I opened the door a crack and called to him.
“Hey Aden? I’m here, can I come in?” The smell of cleaner greeted me.
“Yeah come on in.” He called from deep inside.
I opened the door and stepped up and into the unfinished and unfurnished house. Aden was cleaning the kitchen counters; he wore only a backwards baseball cap and gray sweat pants, perfectly showing off his thick, muscular body from playing football and a couple other sports his entire school career. I felt my cheeks flush a little, but the burn died down before he looked directly at me.
“Just finishing this up really quick, we had a party last night and there was some liquor spilled on here.” He glanced at me and grinned before going to the sink and rinsing the sponge.
“Oh? Thanks for the invite.” I teased. “Underage drinking always sounds fun.”
He laughed and started down the hall; I followed him to his bedroom, my heart racing with my excitement. He flopped down on his bed, still messy from the night before, he looked amazing lying on his stomach and looking up at me. I opted for the computer chair across from him and glanced around the room, his guitar was in the corner next to his bed, along with a nightstand and a small lamp. Behind me was a small desk with a computer, speakers and printer.
“So? How was the party?” I asked.
“It was ok, no girls. That’s why I didn’t invite you.” His eyes twinkled with mischief as he reached down to adjust his pants, his firm behind lifting ever so slightly off the bed as he did so…I desperately tried not to stare at that firm round rump and shifted my eyes to my hands.
“Want to come hang out tonight, instead?” He asked quietly, taking his cap off and tossing it onto the desk behind me. His black hair was lighter than it usually was, more of the red had been brought out by the sun and his blue eyes gleamed brighter against his summer tan, made visible already by his time spent on the lake.
“Can’t.” I sighed.
“Why not?” He asked, his chin propped on his stacked fists.
“My parent’s would be pretty upset. Even though I’ve graduated and I’m eighteen, they still want me to follow the rules until I move out.”
“What’s the difference between you being here now and then after work?” He asked, his face puzzled.
“We could have sex at night.” I said with mock horror, laughing. He reached for my hand and yanked on me, bringing me to sit on the bed with him.
“What’s saying we couldn’t right now?” He asked holding me against his side, pinning my wrists in my lap. I laughed as he squeezed my side a couple times with his free hand. It felt marvelous to have his attention, all of it, and not just over the phone. I reveled in it.
“You’re right, I know… I don’t know why they make these rules. It’s just how they are I guess.” I began to feel uncomfortable, sitting this close to him, the proximity made me feel over heated.
“Where’s your bathroom?” I asked him.
“Down the hall, second door on the right.” He said, unwrapping his arms, I felt myself take a deep breath; I didn’t even realize I’d been holding it.
In the bathroom I took off my jacket to keep my armpits from sweating with my nerves. It was a little chilly this morning, June isn’t necessarily a warm month in the Pacific North West, but it was a pretty day, sunny out with barely any breeze. I looked at myself in the mirror, my dark brown hair was about shoulder length, my eyes a matching dark brown. I tried to cover my freckles up with powder, but I was never able to fully succeed. My lips were my best feature on my face, full, thick, with a nice splash of natural color to them. I was wearing my most flattering top, providing accent to my ample breasts while letting out to not show off my huge hips, there was a fair amount of cleavage which made me feel a little more confident.
I remembered back in the eleventh grade when Aden once put his arm over my shoulders as I was taking my seat in the cafeteria, and deliberately looked down my shirt. He leaned in to my ear and whispered, “Amber, you have a really great rack.” I flushed so crimson I thought my eyes might start to water. Had it really been two years since that happened? What had we been waiting for? Why had we played this game for so long?
I smiled at myself and the memory, my confidence boosted, I quickly used the toilet and washed my hands, as a last thought I took some tooth paste out of the tube and rubbed it around in my mouth. I’d brushed them before I left the house but the sudden case of dry mouth I had left a bad taste in my mouth. I rinsed with water and smiled at the mirror, silently thanking my parents for the year of braces, my smile was another thing I liked about myself, now that the braces were off.
When I returned to the bedroom Aden was sitting at his computer, a nice acoustic song playing quietly. I sat on the bed gently and watched him as he removed a CD from a big stack and placed it in his computer tower. Even small, unimportant movements were graceful when he made them; it made no sense for a man of his size to move that way, that gracefully, it seemed to defy the laws of nature.
“I’m gonna burn you some songs.” He said. “Blind Melon and The Doors.”
“Oh sweet. That’d be great.” I said, not really too excited to get the CDs, I knew I’d listen to them over and over again while I was away in the Navy. Probably make myself home sick.
“Want something to drink?” He asked as he stood up, his navel was at my eye level, I could smell his skin.
In my mind I imagined boldly staring up into his cerulean eyes as I tore open his jeans and removed his cock from its torturous prison.
Instead I looked up at him demurely through my eyelashes, my heart beating a little faster, as I watched his jaw muscle clench and he gazed down at my wide eyes. I muttered a quick answer before pulling out my phone and fiddling with a text message, a feeble attempt to distract my eyes from the dark hair that trailed to his navel from below his pants. When he left the room I took a deep breath, trying to calm my jitters, trying to stop thinking about his masculine scent.
I looked around, baseball trophies, basketball trophies; pictures with girls, guys, at parties, at prom, all smiles, great memories. It felt incredible to be surrounded by all of this. I felt weight on the bed behind me and Aden handed me a soda. I cracked it open and took a small sip before setting it down on the desk, he didn’t know I stopped drinking soda to get rid of my acne. I smiled at him awkwardly again and pulled my hair behind my ear, because I didn’t know what else to do with my hands.
“You look so different.” He said.
“Really?” I asked nervously.
“Mmmhmm. Even at graduation I noticed, you’re prettier each day.” His face was close to the back of my head, the feeling almost gave me goose bumps.
“You, are crazy.” I laughed dismissively.
I tried to scoot away but the gentle heat of his palm on my side stilled me instantly, a surge of heat pulsed between my thighs.
“You’re the one who’s crazy. Do you know how many of my friends have asked me if you were single?” I felt my scalp tingle as some of my hairs moved slightly beneath his fingers.
“Oh really?” I laughed breathlessly. “Then why didn’t I get asked to prom?” I teased him, barely able to force the words out.
“I don’t know, you’re… intimidating. You always seem so sure of who you are and what you want, so much older than other girls. Like no one should get in your way. Maybe they were just afraid you’d say no. Jamal wanted to ask you.” He said as he moved his fingers through the ends of my hair.
“Well, it’s too late now.” My eyes were cast down at my hands again, hoping for a change in subject, high school was not a fun time in my life and I was happy it was over so I could move on. Aden’s weight shifted slightly, he was closer to me, his leg against my lower back and suddenly I could feel his breath on my neck.
“You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever known, you always have been, inside and out.” It was barely audible; I closed my eyes, drinking in the words I’d longed to hear from him for so long.
His fingers came up and pulled my hair that escaped over my shoulder behind my neck and to the other side, trailing his fingers down my arm, to grasp my elbow.
“Aden…” It was a warning, more for myself, than for Aden.
I actually wanted him to be doing this, but I wasn’t exactly sure what this change in him was, or where it came from, he had never shown an interest in being more than my friend these last five years….why now? My skin was buzzing with electricity.
His lips came to softly brush my shoulder and I nearly jumped off the bed, but his other hand was sitting on my waist and it tightened at my movement holding me still. I thought I heard a growl escape his throat. It reminded me of when I was young and fed my kitten. If I started to take his bowl away to add more food to it, he grabbed my hand with his little paw with such ferocity, such need. My breathing quickened as Aden’s lips moved up to my ear, his shallow breath tickling me, intoxicating me.
“I’ve wanted you since the first day I met you.” He trailed more kisses along my neck. I had never in my life experienced anything more erotic before this point… Never had I even experienced a simple kiss that was enjoyable. Any other boyfriends I’d had in school the kisses never excited me, they more made me feel uncomfortable, like I was the one who was supposed to be in charge, I didn’t like it. I wanted a man who had more experience than I did.
“Alex isn’t home and I promise I won’t do anything you don’t want me to, just let me kiss you.” He said as he rested his hand on my knees.
I realized then that they were involuntarily clamped together. After releasing them and taking a deep breath I closed my eyes as his hand moved up my side, across my belly to my hip. Before I knew it he was in front of me, kneeling on the bed, bending down to place his lips on mine. I loved it; I loved the feel of him bending down to me, holding my face. Red hot lava pools rushed between my legs, only this time, it didn’t go away. I was slightly aware that my breathing quickened, Aden’s hand came up to my neck and held my head facing up to him. I bit my lip and looked away, too uncomfortable to continue letting him see in my eyes what I knew was blatantly obvious.
His fingers grabbed my chin and I turned my eyes to look at him, he was leaning over me which made his muscles more defined, they rippled along his torso, his shoulders seemed very large, very welcoming. I searched his face before closing my eyes; I tentatively placed my fingers on his chest and trailed them up his shoulders, feeling goose bumps raise on his flesh against my sensitive finger tips. I put my arms around his neck, welcoming him in, offering him to deepen the kiss.
Before I could protest my shirt was swept over my head and I was left in just my camisole and jeans. He placed his hands on my torso and leaned me back onto his bed, it smelled like Aden, fresh and stimulating. I felt his hand moving up my stomach again, kneading and caressing each curve, molding my breast to his palm, and then moving his hand to rest on my thundering heart.
“Jesus. You are so amazing.”
He looked at his hand as he caressed me; I was spinning from the direction this visit had taken. As his lips came back down on mine, I felt his tongue, warm and silky, sliding against my bottom lip. I parted them slightly to allow him access and gently he tasted me, massaging my tongue with his. A groan escaped somewhere within me, almost guttural sounding and I found myself responding to his touch, running my fingers along his body, into his hair.
Suddenly things were moving fast, his hand was under my camisole and my bra clasp was undone in a heartbeat. His hand caressed my bottom over my jeans and moved slowly up to the bottom of my right breast before he broke our kiss again to look down at me, staring into my eyes as he slid his fingers along the bottom curve of one breast and then the other. I looked down at his hand, gliding slowly up to my nipple. I let my eyes slip shut; never had I experienced someone touching me this way, I wanted to drink it all in, commit it to memory. I began to press my breasts harder against his palm. Groaning again he moved beside me and I felt his cock pulsing against my thigh, before fully forming the thought, my hand reached down and I swept my fingers up the length of his hardness, then up over his belly to rest on his heart. I looked up into his eyes and saw something spark and he instantly broke away from me, shoving off the bed.
I sat up on my elbows, confused, but more disappointed than anything. I gazed at him, his burning eyes, balled fists and clenching jaw, he was the picture of discomfort.
“What’d I do wrong?” I asked him gently.
“No, you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s me. You should go. I’m really sorry about that, I lost control. I should have moved slower.” He brought his hand up to his brow as if weighing his options. “I really think you should leave, Amber.”
I looked at the clock, I didn’t have to leave for work for another thirty minutes, but I decided to use it as an excuse.
“Yes I need to get to work anyway.” I stood up and fixed myself … Unexpectedly I felt tears prick my eyes.
Aden placed his hand on my arm and pulled me to him. “Please. Don’t think this is you. It’s not you it’s me. I’m sorry I moved so fast.” He tucked invisible hair behind my ear and gazed down at me “This just isn’t how I imagined this moment with you to be. Will you come back tonight?”
“Yes.” I wanted to say, I don’t know… or maybe…or even no. I didn’t know what sort of drama coming back tonight would create with my parents.
But I couldn’t say no. Not drawn to him the way I was, the way I always had been. With that I made my way to the door, Aden followed, closing the door softly behind me. I stood on the porch for a moment, smelling the rain that was held in the clouds to fall later. I thought I heard a door slam shut, but bounded down the stairs too quick to really be able to tell what the sound was.
I went back later that night and we sat on the bed, talked and talked, like usual. But this time it was different, we were laying on the bed together, listening to music, side by side. I had dreamed of this moment many times in the last year. As the beautiful acoustic sounds drifted around us, my eyes grew heavy and closed for just a moment to rest after my long day. Aden’s soft voice came to me out of the darkness and his chin rested on my head as I leaned against his chest.
“Your hair smells like espresso.”
I giggled. Another long silence hung between us before Aden spoke again.
“Do you think people can change something that’s in their core? In their nature?” He whispered. I opened my eyes and looked up into his, seeing only genuine interest.
“I guess. I think so… my dad overcame his abusive past and made a good life for him and my mom and me.” I sat up and looked down at him on the bed, “What do you mean?”
I crossed my legs under me and pulled a blanket around my shoulders as I leaned back against the bed posts at the foot of his bed.
“You can tell me anything, you know that.” I coaxed.
He took a deep breath, and took one of my feet into his hands, dragging his thumbs along the sole before he began.
“Earlier today when I reacted the way I did. It really wasn’t you. I told you I’d go slow and I didn’t. It made me feel angry with myself, as if I’d lost control or something. It’s strange, I’ve never felt this way before, not with other girls I’ve been with. I want you so much, I forget that you aren’t…” He sighed in exasperation.
“I’m sorry.” I said, cutting him off, too embarrassed to let him continue.
“Don’t be sorry. I just wasn’t prepared for it. I wasn’t prepared for the… feeling.” His hands slid up to grasp my arms, pulling me close before they made their way down my sides to my hips where he rested them. He used his thumbs to knead circles into my hip bones. It created a lovely sensation in my womb and almost immediately I felt a rush of heat between my legs. I closed my eyes and leaned forward, resting my forehead against his clavicle.
“There’s darkness inside of me Amber, I don’t know where it comes from but it scares me.”
I stared into his eyes for a long moment, chewing on what he was hinting around, wishing he’d just get to the point. “Why?”
“The things I think about, the things I want to do… they aren’t what normal people desire.”
“What’s normal?” I asked, looking up into his eyes.
“Do you think I could change?” He asked again.
“Maybe you shouldn’t have to.” I placed my head on his chest again.
“I want you to touch me like that again.” He whispered after several seconds of dense silence.
Slowly, without moving my head from his warm chest, I took my hand from his knee and slid it up his thigh, pausing for a moment and enjoying the feel of his thick cock against his leg. It was bigger than I’d thought it would be. I lifted my head and looked into his eyes; they were burning and ignited the same fire inside me. I wanted him and I didn’t care if it was so fast. I’d known him for years, I trusted him. I sat up and he followed. Quickly I unbuttoned his shirt and slid it off his shoulders. He grabbed my knees and pulled me closer to him, until the entire front of my body was against his, my legs draped over the pillows resting behind him.
Warm and soft, skin to skin, he was silky and hard at the same time. A small moan betrayed my state of excitement as Aden lifted my shirt over my head and reached for my jeans, I leaned back and let him take them off completely, straightening my legs, toes pointed to the ceiling. After tossing my jeans to the floor, Aden rubbed his nose against the backs of my knees before kissing each one and lowering them, placing his hands around my feet.
I suddenly sobered at the sight of my near nakedness, now just in my camisole and panties my heart thundered in my ears. I gazed at him as he slipped my socks from my feet, exposing blue toenails. I grimaced when I noticed some lint between my toes and giggled as he plucked it out and grinned up at me, holding my foot in his big hands. Slowly he brought my foot to his face and my eyes widened in horror at the thought of being on them for 6 hours at work.
Placing his nose against the sole of my foot and closing his eyes, he inhaled. I felt the cool air being pulled against my flesh as he breathed me in. He placed a small kiss on the pad of my big toe before lightly biting it. It sent a shock directly to my clit; I bit my lip and noticed that at some point Aden had stripped down to his boxer briefs without my noticing. I was mesmerized by the sight of his erection pressing against the fabric, begging to be freed and in a bold move, mostly in response to him begging me to touch him, I did.
Letting my fingers slip lightly across the soft fabric and his hardness, I searched his eyes for any sign that I should stop. When I found none I continued, allowing my curiosity to be satisfied. More confident in myself I added pressure as I began to rub up and down the length of him, he leaned back against his head board and watched me. I chewed on my lower lip, looking up at his eyes, now closed and slipped the fingertips of my other hand just into the edge of the waistband of his briefs. I felt his pulse, throbbing along a vein on his low abdomen and I longed to trace it and find where it would lead me. My hair cascaded down the right side of my face and lightly swished on Aden’s belly as I was working up the courage to peel away his boxers. I slid my hand along his cock, over his briefs, my fingers exploring, teasing.
There was a brief knock on the door before it was flung open suddenly, I yanked my hand away from Aden’s crotch and Alex stared at me wide eyed for a moment in shock. I felt blood immediately flooding my cheeks as the door was slammed closed and laughter burst out on the other side.
“Food is here you guys. Sorry!” Alex called.
“Oh my God!” I cried, laughing with Aden and covering my burning cheeks with my hands.
“You hungry?” He asked, eyes gleaming.
“Not for food.” I replied smoothly, proud that I thought to say it so fast and so boldly, and his eyes danced, making me more confident.
I leaned forward on all fours and kissed him on his soft lips, then his jaw and collar bone. I glanced up at him, seeing his eyes burning into mine lit a fire between my legs like never before, it was almost a painful ache. My mind was racing with fear and some doubt in my ability, but more than anything excitement as I reached for his waistband once again.
I pulled gently and he lifted his hips slightly from the bed. I watched as my hands slid the material down to reveal rippled muscles that formed into a scrumptious V shape. When the base of his penis, and that glorious vein made their appearance, gliding down his thick shaft under soft supple skin; I leaned down to plant a kiss just above the base of his delicious sex. He peeled my camisole over my head and grasped the back of my bra; I froze, unsure if I wanted that part removed or not, I was well aware that some men loved large breasts, but no one had ever seen me naked before.
“Is this ok?” He asked cautiously, running his big hand along my back. After thinking for a second I sat back against my heels.
Slowly, never taking my eyes from his, I reached behind my back and unclasped the hooks, letting the cups fall down before me. After a beat, Aden pressed his lips together and let his eyes fall to my breasts before moving forward to kiss my neck, taking them into his big hands and caressing them until both nipples were aching. Remembering my purpose, I let my hand fall and grasp his thick shaft, feeling the suppleness in my palm as I slid the soft skin up and down the length of him. I couldn’t wrap my hand completely around him and feeling his girth rippling underneath the soft skin as I explored the length of his shaft with one hand, sparked my curiosity.
I had to see what I was doing. Aden seemed to read my mind and leaned back quickly after breaking our kiss to give me all the space I needed, keeping one hand behind my ear and playing with my hair. Fascinated by the feel of him I studied every inch of hardness as I slid the skin down and up, exposing his soft glistening head and then slightly covering it. Moving slowly and making sure I saw no protest or uncertainty in Aden’s eyes I took the tip of him into my mouth, moving the skin up and down and swirled my tongue around his head. When I heard his sharp intake of breath I sat up immediately, worried I’d scraped him with my teeth.
“No?” I asked him.
“No, you’re fine. Keep going if you want to.” He winked.
Grinning, I leaned over once again and, continuing my exploration of his body, took the tip of him into my mouth again. I pressed my tongue into his head, testing the texture, exploring his shape and every groove and crevice. Aden leaned forward slightly, his arm over my head as he slid his hand down my neck to the back of my shoulders. His hand eased down along my waist to my butt, pausing there for a moment before sliding his hand back up and falling against the head of the bed. He let out a soft sound of pleasure as I continued to swirl my tongue around him and move his skin slowly up and down.
“Amber that is so amazing I don’t know how much longer I can hold it.”
I let go of him and settled more between his legs, placing my hands on his hips and only using my mouth.
“Don’t hold back then, it’s ok.” I said quietly.
I placed a soft kiss on the tip of his penis before taking him deep into my mouth again. His reaction to my words flooded between my lips, adding to his hardness and fanned my own flame and desire, but before I could act on it he took my hands and lifted me up. He pulled off his briefs the rest of the way and slid off the bed, swinging my legs along with him and tugging my ankles until I was on the edge of his bed. Aden’s hands held my hips as he leaned between my legs and placed a firm kiss below my belly button, slipping his fingers into the crotch of my panties. He tugged them away from me and slid his knuckles along my sensitive lips before slipping his fingers into the waistband. He placed another firm kiss on my pubic bone as he peeled my panties down, making me jump and gasp in surprise.
“Lean back.” He said urgently.
I did as I was told. Aden continued to pull my underwear away, along my thighs and over my knees, then discarded them. My head was spinning. Aden’s hands slid up my thighs from my knees, his thumbs brushed against me, and as if in their own little response I felt my lips separate and reveal my wetness. Horrified, but turned on beyond belief, I groaned and put my arms over my face, I was craving every touch, I wanted to beg for it, I wanted to squirm on the floor and let him take every inch of me.
“Oh my God.” Aden groaned before I felt his lips kissing me again. His tongue claiming me as he flicked one of my yearning lips and then the other, I nearly jumped out of my skin. His strong hands held my hips to the bed and I groaned loudly as his tongue began its own exploration of my most intimate details. His thumbs circled my hip bones as his tongue circled my clitoris and soon I was grasping the sheets and trying to be quiet. I felt Aden’s hand moving toward my exposed sex and I stopped moaning. I felt his light timid touch on my inner thighs, felt his fingers trail down and press one finger, slightly inside of me. I arched my back against him, desperately wanting to scream for more. I had no idea how to handle what I was feeling.
“Amber, are you a virgin?” He asked me softly, kissing my thigh and working his finger slowly inside of me.
“Yes, is that bad?” I wanted to beg him not to stop. Please don’t leave me in this state.
“No, I just wondered.” He leaned down and I felt relief wash over me with the warmth of his tongue once again. Aden slipped a second finger inside me and pressed a little deeper this time, creating a whole new sensation rippling and vibrating through all of my nerve endings. My breathing became faster and my heart began to drum against my ribs, I felt deep throbbing and I tried to protest.
“Wait.” I groggily stated, my body was burning, my muscles flexing deep inside me.
“It’s ok, let go. I want you to.” He said, dragging his fingers against my front wall with more pressure, his tongue rolling along my clit. He created sensational waves of pleasure all over, goose bumps raised on my skin and I felt my toes curling and clenching the side board beneath them. I dug a hand into my hair as fire seared and blossomed inside me, creating deliciously strong, vibrant clenches deep in my womb. I cried out in sheer ecstasy as I felt my release rocket through me, unexpectedly, only to be cut short by a strange warmth between my legs, it felt like liquid. Terrified and unsure of what happened my eyes snapped open to find Aden looking down at the floor and his hand. A clear liquid glittered on his chest. Did I pee?
“Oh my God.” He whispered, looking from his hand to the floor and back.
Wide eyed and panicked I tried to speak but couldn’t form words in my terror.
“You can squirt?” He asked incredulously, turning his eyes up to mine.
“What?” I panted, frantically trying to understand.
“Oh my God.” Standing up quickly Aden pulled my legs to each side of his hips, I gazed at him through my fog of desire as he slid the soft head of his penis along my sensitive flesh, nudging and tormenting me. “I want you so bad Amber, I want to be inside you.”
“I do too.” I groaned, running my hands along his torso as he probed a little more. I felt resistance and tried to open my legs more for him and when he added a fraction more pressure, it was uncomfortable, I squirmed beneath him.
“Are you sure?” He asked me, lightly stroking my clit with his thumb.
“Yes.” I smiled up at him, standing between my legs, watching as he began to slide himself around on me again.
When he pushed inside me, I felt the terrible resistance, but before I had time to think about it anymore, the pressure built and snapped. It was like a cannon being fired into my abdomen and I jumped at the pain, the breath sucked from my lungs. Aden held still for a few seconds, running his soft fingers along my inner thighs and dragging them down to my hips, until I began to move under him.
He inched slightly deeper, but I wanted more, I needed more and before long I was clawing at his hips urging him to move within me. As he answered my silent pleas the discomfort didn’t lessen, but the feeling was still increasingly pleasurable. My breath began to come faster and my heart began to beat harder as I felt heat building inside of me again. Aden leaned over me to put his hand over my chest he gripped my shoulder with one hand, the other planted firmly on my left hip. I felt myself coming again and I let out a small cry before feeling Aden twitch and pulse several times inside me and then collapse over me. He took the flesh of my neck between his teeth, the slight pain of it tingled and tickled my senses.
“I love you so much Amber.” He told me, looking into my eyes. “I’m sorry it took me this long to realize it.”
You can pre-order Castles Burning now, at Amazon and Smashwords! Enjoy chapters 3 and 4!